Half full or half empty?

Well, it has been 21 days since we officially moved home. We seemed to settle in quickly--the physical unpacking of things, finding a place for our belongings, purging a lot of things we didn't need. The kids seem fine. But I think things are finally settling in for me and now I am starting to feel sad and depressed. I think I am missing the loss of my space, my privacy, my own home. We go back every weekend to try and clean up and our little apartment is like a deserted closet. It is a mess. And I mean awful. But I look around and I am just so so sad that we aren't there anymore. Kyrie and I had been living there since Nov. 2001. Ryden was born less than 2 years later and it was our place. My little family. Mess and all. Now we are back with my parents and I just feel like I have lost something. I knew this would happen but nothing prepares you for it when it actually sets in. My parents are wonderful. That isn't it. But they are still my parents and I have lost that amount of control over my life. Right now that is what goes through my mind. But yet I need to remind myself that my parents need me too. For little things maybe, and nothing they wouldn't do for themselves if I weren't there. But they are getting older and now that I live there I see even more clearly how frail they have become. It is easy not to see it when you just hear about it on the phone, or maybe see it once in a great while. But living there, I see how often my Dad falls. Or how often my Mom can't sleep because of her neuropathy. Everything makes me depressed. I can't really help them be better, but I can help with little things. And I have to remind myself of the big picture. It is quite apparent that I won't have them forever. Yes, I know that logically, but do we ever really face that until we have to? And the kids--I think Kyrie is missing Mililani more than Ryden. Ryden is young. He is happy to be with Grandma and Grandpa. He is a typical guy--he goes with the flow and is such a happy-go-lucky kid. He finds the good in everything for the most part. But Kyrie and I are more emotional with tendencies towards the glass half empty mentality.

I have to remind myself that I am so lucky to have my babies and have my parents there for me when I fall. I have so much to be thankful for and my ramblings I am hoping will help keep me focused and grounded. I need to keep the big picture in mind and stop focusing on the minuscule details that really don't matter.